Bio

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I was born in a log cabin in Illinois in 1814. One of the original signers of the Declaration of Independence I am also known for such historic achievements as inventing the lightbulb, the internet, the vaccine for polio and toast. Among my various accolades received my most notable were my back to back Best Actor Nobel Peace Prize wins of 1982 & 1983. My world records for longest time holding one’s breath underwater and swimming the English Channel while blindfolded and with one hand tied behind my back still stand to this day. I died heroically, but tragically, by piloting a spaceship loaded with nuclear warheads into the sun as the timer ticked to zero thereby saving planet Earth and all its inhabitants.

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